The Third Marriage of Sylvanus Greybeard

This article is about my third marriage to an 18-year-old Cuban woman I met in the Netherlands when I was 45.

After my second divorce and selling my shares in the business I had with my two brothers, I was single for three years. I had some money left over, and during this period, I partied a lot and went on two vacations to the Dominican Republic.

I was visiting an Italian friend of mine who asked if I wanted to go with him to a female friend's house. I agreed. When we arrived, there was another young woman there—a young Cuban woman. At the end of the visit, I asked if they wanted to go out, and we got into my car and went to a few pubs and clubs.

While we were out, I asked the Cuban woman if she would spend the night at my place. She said yes, so we went to my apartment. The next day, I took her home. We dated for a while, but she didn't want to live together yet. I was still using cocaine regularly at the time.

After a while, she told me her life story. She was born in Cuba, and her mother met a Dutch man there who later brought her to the Netherlands. When my girlfriend was 13, her mother arranged for her to come to the Netherlands as well.

My girlfriend told me that her stepfather was very strict and that her mother wasn't really there for her. At 14, she became pregnant by a black boy who was about four years older than her; she had more of a Spanish appearance. Her stepfather and mother wanted her to have an abortion, but she didn't want to. Her stepfather and mother then told their pregnant daughter that she had to leave. She left and ended up in a home for young mothers.

She wasn't in the home for young mothers for long. She ran away with her child and, at 15, started working on the streets as a prostitute to take care of her child. Eventually, with government assistance, she got an apartment and was placed under the supervision of Child Services; she also received benefits. Because the benefits weren't enough, she started working as a prostitute again in various sex clubs without Child Services' knowledge.

Shortly after we started living together, we got married. She had stopped sex work and told me that if I didn't stop using cocaine, she wouldn't stay with me. I stopped then, after 14 years of using cocaine, and I have never touched it again. There were no people in her immediate circle who used or sold drugs, which saved me.

I then went in search of a new challenge, had an idea, and wrote, applied for, and received a patent. More on that in a future article.

After a while, this marriage also went wrong. She asked me if it was okay for her, her mother, and her son to go to Cuba for a month to visit her family. I said, "Of course you can go; I'm happy for you and your son."

When she returned with her son, who was five at the time, he said to me, "Mommy has a boyfriend in Cuba." I asked him what color hair the new boyfriend had, and my son said, "Blond hair with curls!" The mother immediately started scolding her son and said that it wasn't true. Not long after, I divorced her after being together for three years.

My Advice

• The most important thing in a relationship is trust. If one person catches the other in a lie, that trust is gone, and the relationship is ruined.
• A relationship or marriage with too great an age difference has less chance of succeeding.